Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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