you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
