its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
FUCK WHALES
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
