Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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