My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
