Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
