When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
