Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
