I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
