No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
