He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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