I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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