Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
