history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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