Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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