and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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