I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
