I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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