he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
