the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
