The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
why is half of my head shaved?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
