i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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