every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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