I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
