I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize