Im at strip club and am horny
i barfeds in our rink
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
