i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
