You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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