You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
