Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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