I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
