I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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