so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
