hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
