woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
