literally had 100 drinks last night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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