they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
