I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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