Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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