I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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