i just identified you from a description of your pipe
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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