How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
