I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
