all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
