Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
