it hurts more in the daytime
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
