let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
