My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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