im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
