she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
