Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
