If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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