when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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