when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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