So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
