I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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