So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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