Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We just shotgunned beers for America
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
