My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
