im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
