u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
