don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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