Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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