A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
