So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
