Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
