the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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