Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he shaved USA in his pubs
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
